wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I could fuck to npr.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
