Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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