I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
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