My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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