I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
