I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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