If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
