We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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