Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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