I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Your dad touched me again.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Randomize
