I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Randomize