No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
