Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
