Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
She tied me up with her honor cords...
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
