Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize