Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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