The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Randomize
