YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
He? As in you personified your dick?
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
