I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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