just come out here and I will go home with you...
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
he fucked my hip out of place.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
