1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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