and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
