3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
