My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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