True but thats because hes a fetus.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
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