so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Randomize
