i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
