also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
