You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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