Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
