I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
