Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
