Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
