Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
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