is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Are my feet made of real feet?
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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