i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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