you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
