just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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