I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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