Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Randomize
