I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
