I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
