I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I will be naked everywhere
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Randomize
