Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
wakey wakey hands off snakey
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
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