Quick, to the slutcave!
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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