I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
