best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
