I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Randomize
