After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
