she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Did we literally take a cab across the street
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Randomize
