So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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