I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Randomize
