My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
this is an emotional support booty call
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
