whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Your cock deserves a montage
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
