my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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