it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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