you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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