another moral hangover. fuck.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
