are you still at the devil's house?
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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