Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize