Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
