My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
