i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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