benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
the liver wants what the liver wants
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
