the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
