And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
