no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
