I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
