I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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