he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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