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I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
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